I am often asked about the reasons why love feels hard?
Love takes effort ...conscious attention and participation by two people working on the same dream.
Love isn’t meant to feel hard. When you first meet someone LOVE feels easy, You’re in a flow state.
The desire to want to please the other and to make them happy comes so naturally … you aren’t really thinking about it.
Some people even spend their days dreaming of how they can show up as the light for the other.
The ease and flow of love … the respect and kindness you show to each other doesn’t require any assistance. It just happens organically. Its such a beautiful state to be in.
Your focus in the early stages was primarily linked to wanting to spend as much together as possible. Your number one priority was to make your partner feel wanted and needed. You enjoyed each other’s company intensely… you might even have been a little obsessed… I bet (if I was a betting person) you couldn’t wait till the end of the work day to be in each other’s company… it took very little effort to make each other happy.
As the honeymoon phase fades and you have both become accustomed to each other. The trying stops. The effort you used to make wanes. You’ve taken your foot off the gas and let life in… You’ve allow familiarity and a fake guarantee that you’ve got them now to the tension of life to seep into the relationship.
So why does love become hard:
We stop listening to each other and as result we stop treating each other with care. In the early days listening to each other took no effort. You paid attention to what your partner had to say. As you both get comfortable in the relationships… listening to each other become’s a burden. Its takes much more effort to pay attention to our partner with love. Listening to each other is love. Its creates the connection, consideration and care between a couple and this is vital to sustaining the bonds of love and intimacy. This source of support, unconditional giving for a period of time and attention is the life sources of building stronger more connected bonds.
We stop prioritising and paying attention to our partner. As we get used to being together. We take our foot off the gas and allow other things and people to become a priority. If you notice that you and your partner are beginning to move away from each other. Its time to regroup. If its been years of deprioritising… Book a session so we can get you back on track.
We allow our emotions to get the better of us especially in the moments of disharmony and start to see our partner as a problem. Not knowing how to repair after a period of disagreement, disappointment or disrepair is dangerous and once we get caught in this cycle… the warmth and love can leave the relationships rapidly and we find ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster of anger and resentment.
We stop acting like a team. Relationships are partnerships are a team sport and when the team falls and everyone is off doing their own thing… the glue and the connection is broken. The right hand is unaware of what the left hand is doing. This leave you fighting alone in the dark. Being together and feeling alone is not a relationships. It just two people living under the same roof without the harmony of the US. This causes loneliness, upset and emotional and mental pain. Regroup as a team by having the difficult conversations and come back towards each other.
The maintenance of the relationship takes a back seat to all the other things that are happening in life. We bring the outside world into our homes creating insecurities , felling fears in to the which cause relationship ruptures.Maintenance whether its in the form of date nights, movie nights, cooking and eating together, making plans to hang out are so vital in keeping our bonded. Just as you make time for other thing. Prioritise maintenance of your relationship.
Love shouldn’t be hard … it can become hard.
We have to do our utmost to remember a relationships needs care and love and attention.
Just as you would water your garden. You must water your relationship.
If its gets to difficult. Reach out and book a session.