This sounded way too familiar to me. In fact it was describing my entire culture. Rip off or inspired? Im still pondering however I am sure that the idea was birthed by an anthropological enthusiast who was probably fascinated by arranged marriages.

Nevertheless the experiment is fantastically obsessional viewing.

From the beginning to the end I was gripped. As I got to know the couples I found myself getting invested, I was on the edge  of my seat wondering who is going to end up with who.

My relationship coach brain was on fire watching the contestants who became couples navigate deep meaningful conversations, negotiate boundaries, share their non negotiable and resolve conflict… I found myself shouting out questions and even warnings about certain pairings…

It was messy, it was real and whilst they were all fabulous television characters, great hair and big teeth ( all round) I was still watching the vulnerabilities of real people underneath all the fake tan and clip in hair extensions.

The essence of the show.

An equal number of boys and girls date each other under the guise of meeting their future spouse.

They are placed into pods with a screen separating the couples and they speed date. The conversation quickly devolves into likes, dislikes, negotiable’s, non negotiable and dreams.

The contestants are on their best behaviour throughout the pod process. The dopamine is flowing and couples start to really narrow their focus, funnelling out those who aren’t a great match.

As the singles build their connections, the anticipation starts to build, attachment start to form and the proposal starts to emerge.

It’s a satisfying moment, we as the audience, get to witness the couples first proper meeting and the proposal.

Genuinely I felt like a mother watching her child propose to his 2 week girlfriend.

The next stage (and my favourite) part is the dream holiday and starting. The honeymoon for the weeding.

Followed by a stint of living together for a month.

Through all of these process’ the big question remains - Will they or wont they get married? Will they make it up the aisle and say I do!

The reality.

The interaction in the pods is a fantastic concept on how we are able to build emotional connection. In modern dating people do this for prolonged periods through texting and calling with no actual meet ups in real life. So you can imagine how much we make up VS the reality of the situation and the other person.

We build stories an the image maker is on fire imagining all kinds of wonder, beauty and opportunity in our minds without ever meeting or seeing what lies beneath.

Once they meet the physical and emotional world are finally connected. Will the imagined dream be the same as they imagined.

Over the next 3 phases of the experiment we start to see the connection or the unravelling.

And for me its fascinating.

I watched with intrigue as the couples sought each other out and created their attachments. I became invested in the rollercoaster of their relationship saga’s and inner turmoils and joys as they navigated each new obstacle.

You can imagine how far on the edge of my seat I was, as I waited for will they wont they say yes.

Pondering's?

So the question is  “Can an emotional connection be all you need?

What else do you need for a marriage to work?

How important is the physical aspect of a relationship?

Do looks really matter?

I would love to know what you think???

As a Pakistani woman, I was raised in a culture where marriages were created SIGHT UNSEEN so the concept wasn’t alien to me…

In fact marriages were organised by the parents who looked for certain traits and characteristics THEY felt were important. They were looking for family compatibility, similarities in culture and religion, background, adaptability and malleability, financial status.

They asked all the big questions, PARENT TO PARENT and gaged whether the couple were a suitable match.

In modern arranged marriages couples do meet and spend a little time together to determine off this is right for them. The amount of time is small and in some cases its chaperoned. Once the decision is made, the couple are married.

In years gone by people understood their roles and each one took care of their side of the street.

In more modern times the ones have been confused and it takes more work to get the ship sailing on the right course.

Arranged marriages on the most part work, as both parties understand the obligations and needs of each other and the families.

In the show, the contestants, the people who desired marriage, were asking the questions that were important to them…

Back to the show. This is an intense container with cameras and emotions are weighted and fast tracked.

1. Listening to compromise. When we meet someone new. It can never be just about us. Now theres a biosphere to consider. Being able to listen and take in the new of the other is a vitally important skillset for any couple. Getting defensive and then telling the others about it

2. Acceptance led them to being in a realistic frame of mind about the person they chosen without the desire to want to change them. Understanding perspectives is important and key for compromise and conflict resolution. Some contestants were irate at the fact that the other had an opinion and weren’t making them happy. This showed emotional immaturity on their part.

3. Kind to their chosen person.

4. Confident in themselves and their love.

5. Focused on their relationship and their partner. Their hearts weren’t torn by the possibility of others… they were determined to protect their relationship. They were working together as a team.

By the end of the show my theories had been confirmed… emotional connection and acceptance of yourself and the other is an important component and vital for a man to fall in love with you and when you combine the  physical, open communication, respect, honesty, compatibility, humour, energy, emotional regulation, conflict resolution and radical honesty into the mix,  you have the ingredients for a powerful relationship.

I would love to know what you think?